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Modern Romance

Navigating Cyberspace and Other Dating Options in 2006

By Felicia Levine

My friend Mary, a perky brunette and successful accountant, is a self-proclaimed Internet dating diva. Thanks to modern technology, she juggles dinners with different men almost every night of the week, smoothly navigating through matchmaking websites with the dexterity of a NASCAR driver.

Mary will tell you that the Internet in 2006 is to singles what the microwave first was to the culinary-challenged: an absolute necessity. “It’s actually made dating fun. As much as I despise the bar scene, I love getting on the computer,” says Mary, 38. “I can sit in the privacy of my own home and choose from all these eligible men,” she says with enthusiasm. “And the possibility of all those first dates is so exciting!”

Mary annoys me. Seriously – while I applaud my friend’s zeal for partaking in the world’s largest virtual singles bar, I don’t share it. For me, dating—online or otherwise—elicits butterflies, cold sweats, dry mouth… you get the idea. There’s something disconcerting about trying to make a good first impression on a man who could turn out to be anything from the future father of my children to a future subject on CNN’s “Nancy Grace” show. And now, with the creation of Match.com, JDate, eHarmony and similar websites, I feel compelled to endure this indignity on a regular basis (because, as my grandchildless mother likes to remind me, I’m no spring chicken).

Perhaps I’m jaded. After all, the cyberspace dating scene is certainly more palatable than bar-hopping, newspaper ads (remember those?) or fix-ups by well-meaning, matchmaking friends with poor judgment. And there is something to be said for the sheer number of potential paramours (we’re talking millions if you’re willing to extend your search overseas).

Frank, 44, a Boca Raton restaurateur, appreciates the control Internet dating affords him over his love life. “If I have a bad date, I know there are dozens of other ladies out there.” Jessica, a 24-year-old Miami social worker, appreciates the opportunity to be selective. “You can weed out negative people by chatting online,” she says, “and it’s a much less threatening way to meet someone than in a crowded bar.”

Fort Lauderdale psychotherapist Jennifer Levy met her husband on JDate eight years ago. She’s one of the many success stories that the site plasters throughout its promotional copy. “I knew the first night I met my husband that I would marry him,” says Levy, who had been on just two other Internet dates before meeting her beau. Her advice to South Florida singletons? “Give it a chance because you never know if the right person is out there for you and keep an open mind.“

Easy for her to say. She hasn’t been out with Jerry, the chef whose hobbies include fine wine, coin collecting and sex with his ex-wife. Then there was Mark, a salesman, whose photo resembled actor Ben Affleck but who, in person, looked like Shrek (nothing against ogres). Joey, a physician, insisted I meet his entire family—parents, nieces, nephews—40 minutes into our first date (they just happened to be at the same restaurant).

There was the software developer who enjoyed tossing back a cocktail or six (call me insensitive, but the first words out of his mouth were “Hello, I’m Drew and I’m an alcoholic”). And I’ll never forget Jim, the plastic surgeon. He was allergic to animals and wondered if I’d “consider putting my cat to sleep if the right man came along.” (Let’s just say the cat is still a huge part of my life; Jim, not so much.)

Seems everyone’s got a sob story. The chief complaint among men: Women rarely look like their photos. Steven, 42, a Hollywood salesman, recently met someone for drinks at a Miami bar. “The minute she got out of the car I thought, ‘Damn, not again.’ She must have been 10 years older and 50 pounds heavier than her picture,” he says.

That’s nothing compared to the nightmare experienced by Eric, 39, who works in publishing. “I met a woman online who turned out to be a man in drag. He had a deep voice and big old Adam’s apple.”

Men also gripe that women tend to be materialistic. “When a woman writes in her profile that she ‘enjoys the finer things in life,’ that’s a red flag,” Steven says.

Over on Venus, women lament that men have unreasonable expectations. “If I read one more profile in which a guy wants a woman who is ‘beautiful inside and out,’ I’m going to lose it,” says Ingrid, an attractive veterinarian. “What the does that even mean?”

Most people agree that Internet dating is, for the most part, a microcosm of the dating universe, but with its own set of social standards. For example, JDate encourages users to be honest in their profiles and to post updated photos (“You're going to meet in person and the truth will come out anyway” the site says). Other tips: Personalize emails; reply to everyone who contacts you within a week; meet in a public place for your first date and, for God’s sake, be polite.

“People can be really blunt online” says Ingrid, the veterinarian. “They’ll ask you how much you weigh, why you don’t have children, what kind of car you drive… One guy asked me my bra size! Sometimes it feels more like some twisted job interview than a date.”

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