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Sex in the City
THEY’RE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
What local singles want — and where they’re looking for it — depends on whom you ask: A22-year-old college student looking to party likely won’t run with the same crowd as a 35-year-old single mother of two.
Many of the 20-somethings we spoke with are avid daters, and identified college campuses and/or bars and nightclubs as their hangouts of choice. And while most cited their careers as being paramount to relation-ships, they’re still having a good time.
Of course, merriment can be subjective. “Me and my friends don’t have time for relationships, but we wanna have fun,” says Teresa, 23, a design student and proud owner of breast implants. “So we’ll go out, dress really hot and then see how many guys we can get to buy us drinks.”
Laments Scott, 34, an affable Margate computer tech, “Girls here are cold. Even the unattractive ones give you such attitude. It’s unbelievable.”
Ally, a Plantation masseuse and regular on the Fort Lauderdale club circuit, admits there exists a rampant superficiality in bars that gets irksome. “People want arm candy, and a lot of things are excusable as long as a guy or girl looks a certain way,” she says. “You’ll receive a lot of ingenuine compliments from people just wanting sex.”
Rachel, 29, a grant writer and graduate student, abhors the bar scene. “They’re like big meat markets,” she says. “Besides, online dating works much better with my busy schedule.” For Rachel and thousands of other romantically unencumbered professionals, web-based courtship has become their meeting mode of choice. Online dating sites such asMatch.com and eHarmony offer the ultimate convenience for singles juggling kids and/or careers, whose friends are all married, or who would simply rather undergo skin grafts than go near a nightclub.
A plethora of dating sites exists for every preference, and South Floridians are logging on. At the time this article went to press,Match.com claimed to have more than 50,000members in the Miami/Fort Lauderdale area. JDate.com, a site that targets the Jewish population, reported to have 16,000 members, while BlackSingles.com reported 9,000 members and singleparentsmingle.com reported800 members.
And there are success stories. Jennifer, 34,met her husband, Michael, on JDate eight years ago. “We were on our way to a restaurant for dinner and I remember saying to myself, ‘I may have met the man I am going to marry.’ I can’t explain it, but I has never felt that way before. You never know if Mr. Right is just the keyboard away.” Or Mr. Horribly Wrong. Many online users report frustration over a proliferation of misleading photos, deceptive profiles, and serial daters. And — surprise — some daters are even married. Consequently, a host of services has cropped up to combat the trickery. Sites like Truedater.com and Dont-DateHimGirl.com (for women only) provide forums for burned lovers to forewarn others against cads, liars and cheaters. A company called Intellus provides criminal and marital background checks for a fee.
Rachel, who’s been online dating for two months, remains underwhelmed by her experiences thus far. “Who I’m looking for is an educated, Jewish man with a stable career, sense of humor and who gets me,” she says. “Who I’m meeting are unstable commitment phobes who are not established in their careers and live with their mothers.” She recalls a guy she dated recently, who claimed to want a serious relationship. “He went from hot to cold very quickly. Then he broke up with me through a text message,” she recalls with a sigh. “I felt like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City when she got dumped with a Post-It note.”
Mark, 40, began online dating last January after his divorce from a 16-year marriage. “I was excited to get back out there, but didn’t realize it was going to be this hard to meet someone of quality,” says the father of two, who prefers dating women with children because be believes “they understand the challenges of parenthood.”
He describes meeting two types of women: those who are emotionally unavailable, and those who prefer bad boys. “The emotionally unavailable are usually those women who are financially independent and don’t care to commit to a relationship,” he says. “And the women who like the bad boys pretend they want good guys, but they don’t.”
Mark recalls sending flowers to a woman he’d dated four times. “I thought we were hitting it off, so I wrote in the card that I looked forward to getting to know her better,” he says. “She responded by telling me I was moving too fast. They were just flowers — I wasn’t proposing. It made me wonder if chivalry truly is dead.”
Bill, 46 of Coconut Creek, had an even more unsettling experience with a woman he’d met online and invited to dinner. He’d offered to meet her at the restaurant, but she insisted that he pick her up. “When I got to her house she handed me a Corona and started calculating how much it would cost for us to have sex. She was a hooker!” he recalls, still amazed. “I boogied on out of there like there was no tomorrow!” Other dating tales of terror abound: “The last woman I met for coffee weighed at least 50 pounds more than she did in her photo,” laments Joe, 48, a car salesman in Fort Lauderdale who belonged to eHarmony.com. “I mean, did she think I wouldn’t notice?”
Shawn, 41, a pastry chef in Parkland, canceled her membership to an online dating site after one too many men tried to engage her in cybersex. “These guys would instant-message me, say hello and then want to know what type of underwear I was wearing. Yuck.”
Perhaps the most startling story we heard came from Eric, 39, who thought he was meeting a woman out for coffee. “She turned out to be a male cross-dresser. She had these hairy arms and a deep voice,” bemoans Eric, who has since renounced online dating.
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