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Me talk dirty one day

A sex therapist helps couples turn up the heat by using their tongues.

Lori Sarvis' goal is simple: She wants everyone who comes to her seminars to go home and hump his or her partner senseless. The Deerfield Beach, Florida -based certified sex therapist provides instructional classes on everything from the finer points of oral sex to "The Art of Talking Dirty," the title of her most recent tutorial.

Men, she says, are more reticent than women in signing up for instruction. "It's the male ego," she explains. "They say, 'Oh, I already know how to talk dirty,' especially if they're talking in front of [male] friends or colleagues."

Her dirty-talk seminar was open to everyone, from established couples to singles and people in new relationships with partners who crave a little verbal play. Of course, she points out, it's important that both partners are on the same page. This is best determined outside the bedroom, as humans tend to be a bit vulnerable when naked.

"If I say, 'I want you to fuck me harder,' to some people that's extremely demeaning," she explains. "Other times, it's the words themselves. Everybody in the class was turned off by [the c word], but everyone likes pussy. Some slang terms are just not acceptable, although sometimes the hardcore [language] can be really exciting."

Sarvis suggests treading softly at first, with lines such as "I want to make love to you," and building in intensity. Her advice is to go from passionate talk to loving talk to as nasty as you and your partner want to be. The seminar also covered directional talk, in which partners specify what they want - or don't want - done to them, though lovers are often quite shy in doing so.

Sarvis thinks cultural biases are often to blame for people's hang-ups. "In our culture, males are taught they're supposed to ejaculate, and that's it," she says, allowing that some men become anxious about giving their partner an orgasm, as well. "Women who orgasm, it's usually because they have a partner who really loves what he's doing."

Of course, men's and women's turn-ons are often quite different. Men are more visual, Sarvis says, while women enjoy more verbal stimuli. Also, because it takes women an average of about 20 to 25 minutes to become fully aroused but men are good to go in about five, pacing is quite important when engaging in verbal foreplay.

Sarvis' class also touched on phone sex. Couples in long-distance relationships sometimes use the practice, but Sarvis notes that it's also useful as a form of foreplay, say if someone is on his or her way home from work and wants to stoke the fire. However, Sarvis warns, "If the woman says it, she better be ready to go through with it."

Lovemaking is an art, Sarvis explains, a technique. While some people are born with the intuitive ability to please a partner, others should feel no shame in asking for instruction or honing their abilities. "Following a recipe is wonderful," she says, "but sometimes, it's nice to just add chocolate chips."

Lori Sarvis works at The Professional Counseling Center, 2151 W. Hillsboro Blvd., Suite 204, in Deerfield Beach. She will be conducting a seminar on sensual touch in September. For more information, call (954) 426-0410.

Contact Bob Weinberg at bweinberg@citylinkmagazine.com.